They said it might be harmful, dangerous even.
I say it is life giving and vital.
I’ve always been a daydreamer. When life got particularly challenging couple of years (maybe more) back it was the only thing I had energy for. I literally stayed in bed for hours, sometimes days and just daydreamed what I wanted to do when I’ll have myself somehow together again and when I’ll have energy, courage and self-reliance again. It took some time. More than I had planned on. I can actually see a little sinkhole on my mattress today reminding me of all the heavy dreaming that I’ve done in my resent past. Mostly sitting in my bed, under the covers and staring out of the window or just the opposite wall.
For me it wasn’t like I didn’t try (I’m pretty sure we all actually try our hardest all the time, even though it doesn’t look or feel always like it). But every time I tried to outrun myself, hurry to be ready to jump on all those things and ideas I’d been daydreaming of – the time just wasn’t right. My body responded instantly. I got fatigued and needed to crawl back to my daydream-pit to sit with all these impulses rising inside just a little longer.
Little by little my body and especially my spirit started to recover again. It needed all that rest. And it most definitely needed all that dreaming. You see when you let your mind wander it goes to places you didn’t even know exists. If you give yourself time to actually just daydream without an instant meaning or purpose it will find a new one, something that might be life altering for you.
We complain that we don’t have time for anything these days but what we actually are missing is the dreaming. Maybe because it’s also scary. Maybe it will show you something you weren’t ready for? Maybe it will show you a new path of life? Of how you work? Or with who you might actually want to spend your time with? Maybe it will show you your new calling or tell you that you’ve been living a lie? But would you rather not know though?
I count myself lucky that I didn’t have any other choice but to sit in my daydream-pit and wander. It felt useless and partly horrible at that time. I felt that I was stuck and it would be easier to just vanish. It’s hard to be useless, unproductive these days when it’s coded so deeply in our system to act otherwise. But what was really happening for me was kind of a rebirth. I’m pretty sure that before butterflies break out of their cocoon, they just daydream about their colours, wings and how they’ll get only TENS ACROSS THE BOARD when they’ll get out. And when they’re ready they’ll transform and let themselves be free.
My daydreaming has always somehow been connected with my intuition. They work together as a pretty damn good team. I can feel new path unfolding and now I know I’ll have the courage to say yes. I already did. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t scary, it just means I’ll do it anyway.
Photos: Roza Coco Ahmad